The journey to a transcendent and sensuous motherhood (from an exhausting and stressful one) is a journey from codependence to independence to interdependence to
t r a n s c e n d e n c e .
Codependence is the norm these days. It’s a state marked by stressful relationships and stressful life circumstances. A life of too much to do and not enough time to do it. Everything feels heavy and overwhelmingly difficult with no way out. And like dogs chasing our own tails we work up a frenzy chasing the joy that already belongs to us — but is somehow always just out of reach. And because we don’t know how to obtain the joy we so desperately desire, we BLAME.
We blame others (and life itself) for withholding what we believe would bring us joy and we blame ourselves for failing to secure it. If only so-and-so would do such-and-such THEN I’d be happy. . . . If only I were more (fill in the blank) THEN I’d be happy. . . . And on and on it goes, going nowhere fast.
Independence is achieved when we finally see how futile it is to keep running around in circles expecting to get somewhere new.
We achieve a state of independence when we acknowledge that our old way of doing things isn’t working. We accept that achieving new circumstances and outcomes is going to require new ways of being and behaving. We stop playing the blame game. We let go of the things that are out of our control and take ownership of the things that are in our control. We acknowledge that our happiness is in our own hands and we stop chasing exterior details.
My circumstances are about me — my past conditioning, my fears and insecurities, my needs, feelings and longings . . . and your circumstances are about you and your inner world. Our personal circumstances and experiences are i n d e p e n d e n t of one another. You get to be you and I get to be me regardless of the other's opinion. I won't tell you who you are and you can't tell me who I am.
Once we’ve sufficiently mastered the art of independence we advance to the dance of interdependence.
Interdependence is marked by our ability to effectively communicate our boundaries with others without blame. We no longer blame ourselves for having feelings, needs and insecurities. Nor do we blame others for having the same. We accept ourselves and others exactly as we are. But we no longer accept mistreatment! We say, Here’s what’s okay with me and here’s what’s not. This is what I need from this relationship and what I’m willing to invest if you’ll meet me part way. I won’t step on your toes and you’re not allowed to step on mine. And if we can agree on these terms we can dance together.
At first, the dance of interdependence is clunky and awkward with many mistakes and missteps, but we don’t give up.
In a state of interdependence we embrace our masculine energy to keep showing up for ourselves and our numerous dance partners. And in time, step-by-step, we not only learn the dance but we become dancers and flow into our feminine energy.
This is the delicious experience of
t r a n s c e n d e n c e .
As graceful dancers of transcendence we don’t simply float off into the clouds far, far away from our problems, but like towering trees swaying in the breeze, we’re able to stand tall while looking down on our lives from a higher perspective. We’ve done the deep work of putting down solid roots, developing a strong core and trunk with just the right amount of healthy bark to protect ourselves while branching out and reaching toward our highest and brightest ideals.
And from this exalted vantage point we see how we’ve outgrown the stress of codependence, there’s simply no going back to the way we were. Transcendence is now our natural state and a sensuous motherhood is our new norm.
It is through women's independence that a new social structure will be born into the world that will place the early upbringing of children before all other factors. — Richard Rudd, The 37th Gene Key, Family Alchemy
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YOUR TURN
Tell Us: On which leg of the journey do you find yourself? Codependence? Independence? Interdependence? Transcendence? What are your next steps?
